And so I have to copy other people’s blog posts. I GoogleShared this MOMocrats post about the assassination of Dr. George Tiller, but some people subscribe to this blog and read it in a feed reader so they might not see what I share in my little sidebar thing. So go read the MOMocrats post and click on their links and shake your head and cry in frustration with me. It’ll be fun. Sort of.
I wish I had something pithy to say, but I’m just tired. I don’t understand hate in the name of Jesus, and I certainly don’t understand killing in His name. And I try not to let these things distance me further from my faith, but it’s so hard to tie myself to this kind of insanity. It’s difficult to feel that I have to qualify my faith with the old “I’m not that kind of Christian.” And to most Christians, I’m not Christian enough. And if I have to be anti-gay, anti-women’s rights, and pro-burning in hell, I don’t want to be Christian enough. Seriously. I’ll take it as a compliment that I’m not Enough. I think Jesus and I are a-ok even though I say “fuck” quite a lot. And I might even say, “Jesus H. Christ, let the gays get married cuz gay sex is hawt!” quite a lot. And I might even say, “When you try to get involved in reproductive rights, you make me want to have a fucking abortion just for spite,” even more. I don’t struggle with whether or not God gets pissed about that. I don’t struggle with feeling rejected by Him (anymore). I don’t struggle with feeling like I’m rejecting Him. And I don’t struggle with faith-based rejection on the part of His people (not really). I know where they’re coming from, but I think faith is like any relationship with the ups and downs and the love that feels a lot like hate and the hate that feels a lot like love. And then there’s bitterness and resentment and, after a time, forgiveness and healing. I mean, really, any long-term relationship goes through those stages, but it doesn’t mean the relationship ends. It might look like it’s ended to others, but they don’t know. They don’t know and then they go and shoot people.
I wish I weren’t too tired to clean this post up for you, but it’s all rainy and we were supposed to go creeking today and now we can’t and the news is depressing and I don’t have any chocolate in the house and I probably need more coffee and another green smoothie. I ran, but it sucked and there was a dead mouse on the trail and that was gross. Why would God let me almost step on a dead mouse? Probably because He hates me right now, but we’ll work it out. Anyway, don’t shoot people because it makes my blog suck.
